Quite A Commotion

President Von der Ahe, of the St. Louis Brown Stocking Club, the champions of the American Association, had a queer experience during the progress of the Louisville-St. Louis game. It appears that besides his wife he loves another lady, Miss Kitty Dewey, a handsome blonde girl. During te progress of the game Miss Dewey was sitting in the grand stand unmindful of impending evil. Mrs. Von der Ahe, unnoticed by her, was sitting some distance to the right. It was noticed by those around her that her eyes were fixed in the direction of Miss Dewey during the game, with glances which betokened ill for their object. She sat quietly, however, until the Browns had won the game, when she arose from her seat and walked rapidly to where Miss Dewey sat. She stopped just behind her with her right hand concealing something in the folds of her dress. Miss Dewey did not notice her, apparently, until Mrs. Von der Ahe spoke. She said, excitedly: "Miss Kitty, Miss Kitty, didn't I tell you not to put your foot in these grounds again?" Miss Dewey turned around quickly and became pale as a sheet when she recognized the voice of the person addressing her; but before she could rise or get out of the way Mrs. Von der Ahe raised her right hand, which had a firm hold on the neck of a soda water bottle, and struck her over the head. Just then the genial President of the Browns appeared, and, seizing his wife, pushed her into the box office, while Miss Dewey forced her way through the crowd and mad a hasty exit from the grounds. The event has caused quite a commotion in West End circles, where Von der Ahe is well known.

-The New York Times, September 8, 1885

The lesson here, of course, is that one woman is enough for any man and two is more trouble than they're worth.